PETAL POWER (JUNGLE CRUISE)

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Movies based on video games have a very poor record.

But what about movies based on Disney theme park rides?

Perhaps the best known entry in this genre is 'The Pirates of the Carribbean' series of movies - a huge box office success whose films are relentlessly vapid and awful.

Brian de Palma's 'Mission to Mars' in 2000 was also based on a shortlived Disney attraction and counts among his weakest films.

In 2003, Eddie Murphy starred in Rob Minkoff's 'The Haunted Mansion' - based on another Disney theme park ride and which performed decently despite terrible reviews.

Probably the best of the bunch was Brad Bird's 'Tomorrowland' with George Clooney and Hugh Laurie but even that was just okay and had to work hard to make a profit.

Now we can add Jaume Collet-Serra's 'Jungle Cruise' to the list.

On paper, it's easy to understand why Disney would expect the Spanish American director's movie to be a surefire hit.

Not only has the 'Unknown,' 'Non Stop' and 'The Commuter' director delivered big hits with Liam Neeson in the past but the film boasts arguably the most bankable star on the planet - Dwayne Johnson.

Pair him up with Emily Blunt, one of the most versatile actors around, in a 'Romancing the Stone' style adventure and sparks will surely fly?

Um, no.

Set in London in 1916, Blunt plays Dr Lily Houghton, a scientist whose research into the Tears of the Moon legend is readily dismissed by the Royal Society - even when she sends her brother, Jack Whitehall's MacGregor to present it.

In a preamble, we are told Edgar Ramirez led an expedition of Spanish conquistadors to a South American jungle to search for the "Lagrimas De Cristal" - a flower whose petals can cure illness.

After the death of many of his colleagues in the Amazonian jungle, the Puka Michuna tribe heal many of Aguirre's colleagues.

Refusing to reveal where the tree is, the chief of the tribe is murdered by Aguirre and the conquistadors are subsequently cursed and swallowed up by the vegetation, joining the ranks of the undead.

Sneaking behind the scenes of the Royal Society, Lily tiptoes her way around a room full of artefacts in search of an arrow head that may help her trace the tree.

However Andy Nyman's Sir James Hobbs-Codington is also being wooed by Jesse Plemons' German Prince Joachim and when he comes to collect the arrow head, they encounter Lily.

After a balletic chase, she manages to abscond with the prized artefact.

Lily and MacGregor head for the Amazon but so does Prince Joachim who travels in a u boat.

There they engage Dwayne Johnson's Frank Wolff, a tourist tug boat captain, with a pet leopard and a terrible line in corny jokes, to help them trace the tree.

However Prince Joachim has other plans and will stop at nothing to bear them to the prized petals.

Serra and his cast aim for a light hearted 'Raiders of the Lost Ark,' 'Romancing the Stone,' 'National Treasure' style adventure.

But what you get is a fair to middling adventure that is not as thrilling as it should be or as funny as it thinks it is 

Blunt and Johnson are both amiable performers and there is unquestionably some screen chemistry there.

However not even they can rescue 'Jungle Cruise' from feeling like a B movie which is on the very lowest rung.

The film looks great, with Serra, his costume designer Paco Delgado, supervising art director David Lazan and cinematographer Flavio Martinez Labiano evoking the look of John Huston's classic 1951 adventure 'The African Queen'.

However Johnson and Blunt are no Humphrey Bogart or Katharine Hepburn.

Nor do they have the script from Michael Green, Glenn Ficarra and John Requa to match.

Jack Whitehall is no Robert Morely either - delivering a camp performance that is so hammy, you can hear it grunt.

Whitehall isn't the only one to pump up the ham.

Jesse Plemons' German villain would not be out of place in the BBC1 French Resistance sitcom 'Allo Allo'.

As the harbour master Nilo Nemolato, Paul Giamatti might have won the Joe Dolce award for overacting an Italian role had it not been for Jared Leto's Dolmio ad acting in 'House of Gucci'.

A sequel beckons, apparently, after Serra's film made its money back in cinemas but performed well on video on demand.

However he and his screenwriters will really need to up their game if the sequel is to be a genuine thrill ride.

('Jungle Cruise' was released in UK and Irish cinemas on July 30, 2021)

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