OFF THE BEATEN TRACK (BULLET TRAIN)

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If 'Everything, Everywhere, All At Once' is the most bonkers action film of 2022, what about 'Bullet Train'?

David Leitch's high octane action movie hurtles along at a speed that mirrors the mode of transportation it celebrates.

But it is also one of the goriest, visually arresting multiplex movies you will see this year.

© Columbia Pictures & Sony Pictures Releasing

Drawing inspiration from the work of Quentin Tarantino, Guy Ritchie, Matthew Vaughn and Bryan Singer, Leitch's movie casts Brad Pitt as Ladybug, a thief guided by Sandra Bullock's handler through a mission to steal a briefcase on a train from Tokyo to Kyoto.

That all sounds very simple but in reality it is a bit of a nightmare because his fellow passengers include assassins from all over the world and the sons and daughters of Yazuka gangsters who either have their eyes on the same prize or are just intent on killing.

Among the passengers are Aaron Taylor Johnson and Brian Tyree Henry's West Ham supporting, East End of London boys Tangerine and Lemon who have been hired to escort Logan Lerman's "The Son" and the suitcase of money to Kyoto by Michael Shannon's infamous Russian born Mob boss The White Death.

Also standing in their way is Joey King's The Prince, a female assassin who pretends to be an innocent tourist but who has recently pushed a young boy off a multi storey building.

© Columbia Pictures & Sony Pictures Releasing

The boy is the son of Andrew Koji's Yuichi Kimura, a Yakuza member known in the film as The Father who is goaded into exacting revenge by his own dad, Hiroyuki Sanada's The Elder while his grandson lies in a coma.

Receiving a message that the assassin who attacked his son is in a certain seat in a certain car of the train, The Father boards the bullet train and is shocked to find The Prince there.

However she springs an elaborate trap to use The Father to kill The White Death.

Zazie Beetz's The Hornet is also on board, knocking about dressed in a Hello Kitty costume but wishing to inject venom into her victims.

© Columbia Pictures & Sony Pictures Releasing

Benito A Martinez Ocasio's Mexican assassin The Wolf also turns up intent on avenging the mass death of his wife and their wedding guests by poisoning.

And if all this wasn't enough, there's a poisonous snake on board and an officious ticket conductor, played by Masi Oka, that Ladybug is keen to avoid after promising him he would disembark after one stop.

But with gunplay and fistfights galore and the spectre of the White Death in Kyoto looming, who will emerge intact?

And will the bullet train even reach its destination?

© Columbia Pictures & Sony Pictures Releasing

'Bullet Train' is a sugar rush of a film.

Its plot is ridiculous and admittedly a bit thin.

Its dialogue aims for Tarantino but falls a good distance short of his work.

Nevertheless, for all its nonsense, it sits comfortably above all that Mockney nonsense from Guy Ritchie.

© Columbia Pictures & Sony Pictures Releasing

What it does have going for it is its performances, its striking visuals and its undoubtedly stylish action sequences.

Pitt is an engaging anti hero and like the rest of the cast is honest enough to know this is B movie material, playing everything for laughs.

The same is true for Johnson and Henry who embrace their Londoner clichés (they may as well be called Orange and Lemon) and revel in the violence and the gore.

King has fun too as a devious, cocky killer who likes to pretend she is more innocent than she is.

© Columbia Pictures & Sony Pictures Releasing

Koji and Sanada are oddly noble, even if their roles feel a little undercooked.

Even Michael Shannon has a ball in an equally thin part, laying his Russian accent on thick.

Beetz and Martinez Ocasio, though, are really underused, while Bullock and Channing Tatum who plays a passenger who occasionally pops up are passable.

Watch out too for a brief cameo from Ryan Reynolds.

© Columbia Pictures & Sony Pictures Releasing

Visually, Leitch and his cinematographer Jonathan Sela do a great job accentuating the neon madness of Tokyo and the bullet train itself.

David Schuenemann's production design, Elizabeth Keenan's set decoration, Sarah Evelyn's costumes and Kirk A Jenkins' athletic fight scenes just assault the viewer's senses.

And if you just accept 'Bullet Train' for what it is which is a trashy, hyper violent, gory, disposable action thriller, it kind of works.

Leitch and his screenwriter Zak Olkewicz, who has adapted the story from Kotaro Isaka's 2018 novel, know the film isn't a Spielberg, a Scorsese or a Jane Campion.

© Columbia Pictures & Sony Pictures Releasing

It's just a hyperactive David Leitch thriller with striking visuals, ridiculous dialogue, blood splattered violence and balletic fights.

It's probably on a par with his work on the first 'John Wick' movie.

It is certainly a step up from his work on the similarly stylish and violent 'Atomic Blonde,' 'Deadpool 2' and the 'Fast and Furious' spin-off 'Hobbs and Shaw'.

The film should certainly win an award from West Ham fans for the most gratuitous references to their beloved football team.

© Columbia Pictures & Sony Pictures Releasing

These include a snippet of commentary announcing a 1-0 scoreline against Chelsea (arguably the best news we've had in months) and versions of the club's anthem 'I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles' by Englebert Humperdinck and the Cockney Rejects.

In fact, the only thing missing from a fan's perspective is a cameo by "Mr West Ham" Mark Noble.

The soundtrack also boasts entertaining Japanese cover versions of The Bee Gees' 'Stayin' Alive' and Bonnie Tyler's 'Holding Out For A Hero' by Avu-Chan and Miki Asakura.

It's that kind of film.

© Columbia Pictures & Sony Pictures Releasing

All of this contributes to a film that leaves you a little giddy as the end credits roll.

Just like West Ham, 'Bullet Train' knows it's nowhere near Champions League quality and is more Europa Conference League material.

But hey in these miserable times, when we all need a little escapism, that'll have to do.

('Bullet Train' was released in UK and Irish cinemas on August 3, 2022)

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